A Center for Women : how to make a choice, wise choices, wise decision making, pregnancy support services

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DECISION MAKING IN AN UNPLANNED PREGNANCY

CHOICE: n. Denotes the act, power or right of selecting from a set of alternatives.

CHOICE is one of the hardest words we ever deal with as people.

We are told all the time that CHOICE is the measure of our personal freedom.
But we will only feel free and hopeful about the future as long as we have made choices that we (mostly) don't regret. Making the right kind of choices -- the kind that enhances life rather than diminishes it -- that's the tricky part.

Even the small choices we make every day can "set" our characters, can strengthen or weaken our moral and personal backbones, can leave us with good feelings or deep regrets or even guilt, and wind up giving shape to our daily lives. The bigger choice issues can be absolutely life transforming. Learning how to make wise, informed decisions is one of the most essential of adult responsibilities -- and one of the hardest skills to acquire.

When the choices you're facing could require deep personal sacrifice or where another life may be irrevocably changed or preserved or destroyed, the importance of the choice you make is incredibly important. In such a situation, the really, really essential thing is to always choose HOPE. Hope and guilt cannot occupy the same human heart at the same moment. If you are weighed down by guilt, you will feel the loss of hope. It's just as true that if you embrace a hopeful outcome or outlook on a situation, you will feel a certain heart satisfaction that you have chosen well and will be able to live happily with the consequences of your choice.
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HOW TO MAKE GOOD DECISIONS AND WISE CHOICES

Know where bad choices can come from: A choice you live to regret nearly always comes from (1) making a choice too quickly; (2) making a choice before gathering all the information you need to make a good, thoughtful decision; and (3) listening to people who may not wish to see you succeed and whose lives are not affected in any way by your situation or by the consequences of the choice you need to make. A bad decision is almost always made under the pressure of strong feelings or emotions and with a great sense of "hurry" about it. Feelings and emotions always play a part in the choosing process, but if a decision does not engage critical thinking as well as intuitive feeling, regret (and often guilt or shame) may follow. When you allow others with very strong opinions, but who may have no stake in the outcome of your decision (or who may not be around to share the consequences of it) too great a voice inside your head, it's easy to use them as a shortcut rather do the hard work of deciding for yourself. The thing to remember is that only you are you: you're the only one who knows exactly what you think and exactly what you feel. Plus, you're the one who will pay the biggest price if the choice you make is a bad one or has dire consequences.

Know where better choices might come from: If you want to make better choices, particularly about the important things in your life, the first thing to do is to SLOW DOWN the decision-making process. No one makes her best decisions under pressure. If you're in a pressure-filled situation, your perspective and objectivity will be skewed. When experience as well as perspective on a decision are in short supply, people oftten make choices that are rash, egocentric, and short-sighted. Consider asking 3 people you trust to be a part of your decision-making team. Two of your team should ideally be older than yourself, and each of them should care about you deeply and be committed to you and your success. Ask them to help brainstorm what all the possible consequences of a particular decision might be. Ask them to help you research your alternatives. Ask them if they've ever had to make this same choice that you're facing, what they chose and why, what (if anything) they regret about their choice, and what they might do differently if faced with the same decision again. Asking for this kind of help will add the benefits of experience and perspective to your decision-making.

Know where the best choices usually come from:
      *Make sure you learn from any bad choices you've made in the past -- try not to make the same bad decision twice!
      *Take your time. Keep telling yourself: "I have all the time I need to make a wise, mature choice," and refuse to listen to internal or external voices that tell you otherwise.
      *Do your research. Weigh all your options and the consequences of each of those options.
      *Seek the advice or counsel of people who care about you or who are experienced or knowledgeable about the sort of decision you're considering.
      *Take into serious consideration how your decision will affect others.
      *Accept complete personal responsibility for your choice.

Know how to take responsibility for your own choices: Refuse to blame others for your decisions or for your need to make a choice. Repeat this to yourself as often as necessary, until you believe it: "I, and I alone, have the privilege of final responsibility for my choices, and I will accept the consequences of my decisions without blaming others or my circumstances." Very few people take this kind of grown-up, responsible attitude toward their choices. Stand out from the crowd by being one of them! This does not mean that you might not need help from others if the decisions you make are poor ones -- in fact, you probably will -- but it does mean that you won't alienate the very people who might be able to help you by your refusal to take responsibility for your choices and actions.

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